AnneOnParenting

Frankie and I will be making the trek to JMU in the wee hours of the morning tomorrow.  She is auditioning on flute for their music program and is not showing any signs of nerves.  Yet.  Her boyfriend Richard will be joining us.  I do not know what he is going to do if she goes away to school in the Fall.  He is a good kid, though.  So, at 5:00 in the morning we set out since we have to be there to sign in at 8:00.  

Me, I plan on bringing my project management textbook and studying for my final which is to be taken no later than tomorrow night.   I just hope Richard does not talk my ear off while I am trying to study.  At least he is courteous enough to ask me if it is okay for him to tag along.  Frankie is making sandwiches and we plan to brown bag it to save on costs.  What a good kid!  

I have turned into a bit of a night owl again and getting up is going to be a struggle for me.  But this will be fun.  Just like the last time when Frankie and I took a trip up to JMU to check it out.  It is a really nice self-contained campus.   She will not need a car if she attends and is already requesting a bike.  That would be a great idea.  JMU has campus buses and contracts with local transit that buses the students to the mall and other stores at no cost to them.  Here is to Frankie getting lots of scholarships!

Guess I should start to wind down and get my materials and other necessities ready for tomorrow.   It is going to be cold and I am not sure if I want to take the Jeep or the Malibu.  The Malibu definitely gets better gas mileage.  And it would be more comfortable for three persons to ride in the car.  Guess we will decide that in the morning.  I am tired just thinking about it.

I am continually at a loss on how one child seems to get the concept of money and another seems oblivious.  I say seems as I cannot believe they do not get it as well.  Let us start with Lulu.  Lulu seems to get the value of money or the lack thereof.

After their father and I divorced their father floundered a bit with work and living arrangements.  After settling into a semi-decent job and an extremely small apartment, lovingly referred to as “the box”, their father still did not seem to get it when it came to money.  If he had it he spent it.  If he was broke, well, he was still figuring out a way to get what he needed.  Lulu was only in the beginning stages of her elementary school years yet she knew this was not the best way to live.  I was surprised when a year and a half after the death of her father, while attending a weekend retreat for children who have lost a loved one, Lulu said he needed to motivate himself to live somewhere other than a box.  Frankie seemed to be blinded by love for her father and Benny was too little to remember much of anything.

 This does not take away from any of their wants, but I do recognize a definite distinction between want and need.  Yes, this is a taught trait.  When any of them say they need something they are immediately asked why it is a need and if it is really a want.  Sometimes I get the smart remarks, in a joking manner, of course.  And sometimes they are quite honest and correct themselves.  And imagine hearing this get turned around on mom when I say I need something when I really do not need much of anything.

So, this brings me back to how does one get it and the others act as if they do not.  Maybe I have set the bar too high.  Maybe I have allowed one to do or have something and now that money is tight the others have to do without.  Is that not how it happens?  I mean, I do put something aside for each of them monthly by way of  their savings accounts.  Does this mean they have to go on every school trip that comes along?

Then there are the moments when one who seems to not get it shows you she really got it all along, but was waiting for her moment to reveal this knowledge.  Frankie has been waiting and wanting to go on the band spring trip her senior year ever since she was in eighth grade and knew she wanted to be in the high school band.  She went last year.  I was only allowing them to attend one year due to cost, but things were okay financially so I felt two years would be okay.  But this year’s trip has had some hang ups and she is not that interested in going anymore.  I am thrilled as the $400 plus price tag was a bit stressful.  She said she would much rather go on the senior trip, a mere $40 or $60.  I am so proud.  And now I know she understands the value of money.

Benny knows but seems to feel left out and wants things anyway, sometimes.   Patience is all I can ask of him.  Patience that things will get better and he will get more opportunities.  He is only in seventh grade.  He still gets to go on field trips and do fun things.  But $75 for a four-week soccer clinic is a bit too high right now, or ever!  I would not have done that for either of his sisters either.  He should have taken me up on the trumpet when he had the chance.

One way I have found does teach the value of money is at the store.  Lulu and I went to three stores today for our weekly groceries, etc.  It is something to watch a child’s eyes light up at the thought of a good deal.  Many do better than I, but it was fun anyway.  You can read all about it at my other blog, AnneOnLife. It is nice when your child looks at you and says, “Mom, you did good.”  And I did.  I saved a little over $48 using coupons and taking a little time to shop around.  What a great way to instill the value of money.

Everyone should have one of these, at least once a month.  Set aside one day, or a few hours at least, and play games with your teens.  Sure, you are thinking your teen does not want to hang out with you.  And that is where you are wrong.  We lose the connection with our children as they grow up in part because we stop trying.  Have your teen invite a friend, too.  In fact, I invited Frankie’s boyfriend, Richard, to come over and play board games with us yesterday.Lulu, Benny, and I pulled out a few games: Scrabble, Clue, and PayDay.

Lulu did not want to play Scrabble, besides it is a four player game and with Richard there were five of us.  We had not played PayDay in a while so that was the winner.   The plan was to play a few games.  What happened was a marathon game of PayDay with me singing the money song.  You know, the one from the Apprentice: Money, money, money, mon-eee!

Benny went broke early on and watched from the sidelines.  Lulu had the winning lottery ticket since she won most of those.  I won one lottery and did the happy money winning dance.  At one point I pulled out my cell phone and play the theme from Fraggle Rock and declared a dance break.   Well, we are an odd bunch.  That is part of our charm.

At four o’clock we ended the game as Frankie had piano lessons.  Richard won and I came in second.  I honestly do not recall if Frankie or Lulu was third.  Not that it matters.  Winning is fun, but not the point of the game.  Now it is time to play Scrabble with Benny and Frankie.  What game are you going to choose?

Brrr, it was really cold today.  For many in the United States it was equally cold.   For some it was even colder.  I layered up and made some hot cocoa.  And after some hemming and hawing decided to go out with Frankie and her best friend Bren.  They are seniors this year and today was the second day of finals for the semester.  Both were fortunate enough to be able to exempt their exams and did not have to attend school today.  Lulu and Benny scored a 2 hour delay to start their school day.  Yes, it was that cold.

Frankie, Bren, and I headed off to the mall in search of a Prom dress for Bren.  Frankie already has hers.  We looked at the slim pickings at JCPenney and decided to move on.  American Eagle had a decent sale.  If you really believe their jeans are worth $79 in the first place, then $29 is not a bad price.  I really miss Steve and Barry’s.  Everything was $8.99.  Could be why they closed.  Maybe SJP will move her Bitten line to another store in my neighborhood.  Please.

Then we stop in at Chik-fil-a for four medium fries and a Dr. P, no ice for Bren.  Frankie spots a sign at Wet Seal, $1.  Sounds interesting.  We immediately proceed to investigate.  We bought a skirt and top for Frankie at $10 each, socks with musical notes for $5, and a long, brown scarf for $1 for me.  The socks were just too cute to pass up.  Bren bought a sweater and t-shirt.  No prom dress yet.

Next stop, Barnes and Noble for Starbucks coffee.  Yes, you would think we would get hot coffee.  But since we had been walking around a bit we decided to get Frappuccino’s instead.  Then we found a good book for Frankie.  Actually, it was three good books in one for less than $10.  She loves to read and I am not one to discourage that.

Old Navy is a must for any shopping trip. We bought two skirts and a shirt for less than $6.  At the checkout I remembered a $10 coupon, but we were running out of time and the girls had already gone to Macy’s without me.  Next time, when I have more time.  So I headed to Macy’s.  We looked at several dresses and Bren tried on a few.  She found one she liked and plans to return to buy.  I hope it is still there.

So, Frankie and I take Bren home and head to Wal-mart for some light grocery shopping.  We forgot a few things, but nothing that could not wait.  It was getting late and we wanted to get home.  It was nice spending the day with Frankie and Bren.  It is especially nice when teenagers are not ashamed to be seen with a parent in public.  I hope that never changes.

That is it.  Just a day spent shopping with the kids, or was it?  I think it also was a day spending quality time with the kids.  It was not about the money spent.  It was all about the time.   

Three little words, just three little syllables, and they can have the most profound impact on a person. We say I love you to our lovers (be it boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife) to convey a connection that at one time, and maybe still, meant butterflies and goosebumps.  Please do not read into the word lovers.  It is meant to convey those with whom we have relationships, but are not blood related.  The first I love you is tangled with uncertainties.  The feelings are real but are you the only one.  Then it can turn into a constant mantra of who loves who more.  Ah, new love.  Then it becomes a more comfortable I love you.  It may be said in words upon leaving or ending a phone conversation.  It may be said with a kiss, hug, or even food.  Yes, food can say I love you.  Have you ever made your honey their favorite dish or dessert?  It is true what they say about the way to one’s heart is through the stomach.

Then there is the love of siblings.  How many of you have brothers and sisters?  I have two brothers.  One is my brother and the other a step-brother.  My step-brother and I are the same age.  Our parents met when we were seniors in high school, so we do not have childhood memories, but he is my brother none-the-less.  My older brother, technically they are both older, is four years older than me.  I would consider us close in childhood and young adulthood.  Today we live states apart and rarely speak.  I would do anything for him even if we are no longer close.  The love of siblings goes on forever.

Let us not forget the love of friends.  Friends are our chosen family.  They are not blood-related and are in our lives by choice.  True friends are hard to find but will always be there when you need them.  I have one.  Interestingly she is my former sister-in-law.  I was married to her brother.  We were not always close and we are not real close now.  We live states apart but when we really need one another we are there.  I consider her my sister, but knowing she is in my life by choice is important.  I also consider her my friend.

And the whole point of this post, the love of a parent and child.  The moment one knows she is going to be a mom is the first moment the love for a child is felt.  But the first time your child says I love you in return, that is truly priceless.  And the innocence of it all is endearing to be sure.  Then your child grows up and saying I love you is not all that cool.  I have one of these.  Lulu will not tell me she loves me.  But she sits on my lap at night.  She wants to spend time with me.  She is 15 years old and wanted to hang out with me while ice skating.  We are going on a school field trip in April to D.C. and she wants me there.  She may not say it, but she shows me all of the time.  Benny stopped for awhile, but he is too loving to stop for long.  He is just at an awkward stage.  And Frankie, well she will tell me she loves me when she needs a hug or I need one.  And I get the I love you, mommy from this wonderful 17 year old when she wants something.  Nothing fancy, but still a given kiss up.

And there you have it.  I love you.  Three little words.  I love you.  It means something different for everyone in your life yet it means the same thing: I am thankful you are in my life.  And I am, thankful for everyone in my life: yesterday, today, and tomorrow.